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[personal profile] trixtah
So, the last few weeks have been a real rollercoaster for me - mostly sailing way up on the fast switchbacks, but there maybe some swooping down low coming along imminently.

The thing with The Artist (performance, sculpture, textiles, print, paint, you name it...) has in fact turned into a THING. It's gone beyond kinky funtimes and sexy funtimes into something else quite serious, quite fast. In fact, very fast. I'm not sure whether it's because of the compressed timeframe - certainly, the quantity of the time we've been spending together and the actual content of that time spent is due to that - or whether it's because we seem to be very compatible in a still-surprising number of ways. Or a combination of the two things. But I don't normally get so emotionally engaged with someone quite so quickly - in fact, I can only think of one other example when I did.

I'm surprisingly unfreaked-out by this turn of events, because we both seem to be sane people who are trying to do the best we can in this slightly insane situation. If you're both bright, and rational, and trying to do your best, even if it doesn't work out, you haven't fucked each other around. Because of that, the good stuff will always be a pleasant memory even if you can't make it work due to whatever circumstances - I don't think I'd let it get this far if I didn't think that would be the case. In addition, The Artist's partner, The Scientist, is completely fabulous and very tolerant of the general air of sane-insanity that is going on at the present, which, frankly, I'm incredibly grateful for.

So, there's a 2-3 weeks to go. This is a VERY SHORT time. We've agreed that something will continue after my return to NZ, but as to what form that will take, who knows. I do know I'm going to crash a bit when I get there, although I hope that the focus I'll have on getting to grips with my new job and finding somewhere to live will be in the nature of an interesting way to keep my mind off things rather than adding to a difficult burden. Here's hoping.

As it is, I think peeps should be expecting to see me on this side of the ditch much more frequently than I originally anticipated, leave permitting and all (one annoying about a new job - you lose all your leave reserves). And I'm feeling surprisingly optimistic, although these next few weeks are going to be hard. I need to balance the sense of realism with not getting bogged down in unnecessary - at this stage - sadness. I do, however, expect some random outbreaks of SAD in the general way of things, but it'd be frigging odd if that didn't happen.

In the meantime, must finish packing. I'm getting a bit stressed about stuff I need to get rid of/pack - including my car, fuck it - and my energies are very much going in the wrong kind of direction for good organisation in that area. I'm sure I'll get there in the end, though.
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