trixtah: (Default)
Someone has been posting a meme somewhere (here? I've lost track) about the best thing that anyone has ever done for you. There has been talk of special holidays, gifts, compliments, and so on.

The best thing that anyone has ever done for me was none of those things. And it was from a friend of mine, Rachel, who I'm no longer in touch with, but I have reasonable confidence that we'll pick things up from where they left off the next time we do get in touch. We've gone for years at a time - five or so - without being in regular touch, so this is nothing unusual.

Anyway, I was in a mutually violent and fucked up relationship with one particular g/f - it must be said that she started the violence, but I most certainly continued it in response. Why didn't I simply walk away? It tweaked a lot of my buttons - no one was going to assault me without my assaulting them back, goddamn it. Mixed up with "I'm not a victim", the fact I loved her very much, stupid butch pride and shame about what was going on with us.

First and only relationship where that has happened, by the way. And it will never happen again. I've always loathed violence, and that experience only helped me learn the ways in which I'd never end up in that position another time.

So, one night my ex and I had a particularly bad fight, and I was convinced there wasn't going to be much more before one of us killed the other. Seriously. She was drunk and incapable of coming after me (not that I told her where I was going), so I rang Rachel and told her I had to come over.

Rachel and her bf at the time were caretaking a hostel, so there was space for me to stay. I caught the bus over, in the rain, and ended up on their doorstep late in the evening - 10 or 11. She didn't ask me anything, but hugged me as soon as she opened the door. I told her things weren't good right now with T and I couldn't go back home that night. She and her bf made me tea and told me I could stay as long as I needed. She then took me into the made-up room, with the covers turned back, and held me while I didn't quite cry but shivered and gulped for a while.

So I stayed the night, talked a bit more with her the next day after a nurturing breakfast, and then went back home to sort out the latest round of shit. Rachel didn't press me for any gory details, and radiated a demeanour of knowing that I would be able to deal with the situation appropriately. That I was still an intelligent and capable adult worthy of her friendship.

My ex and I broke up shortly after that, and thank god, we mutually agreed it was best for both of us. (And man, I've had some interesting discussions during sex, sometimes!)

I will never ever forget the fact that I had somewhere to go in the middle of the night. That Rachel was there for me when I had never done anything comparable for her. It's incredibly precious, knowing that you have people to rely on that way. And that they care about you enough that they are there for you, if you need it.

So, it may not be the most out-there wonderful thing, and kind of what intimate friendship should be about, but for someone who is generally incredibly self-reliant, knowing the depth of care for me that it represents, is huge. Huge.


Apr. 11th, 2010 01:04 pm
trixtah: (duckies)
[personal profile] saluqi brought me these fabbo chocolate duckies back from Belgium, so of course they are being pressed into service as a new icon before I EAT them. Nom nom nom.

In other news, my hormones had me wired for sound yesterday, and I had not one, but two social events to attend. Which is about a factor of 10x the number of social events I normally go to a month.

I'm glad I did go along to both - although one was never in question (being around cute-albeit-wailing poochies and having nice conversation is always good) - because it was groovy hanging out with unexpected visitors from Sydney and meeting some new people. My social graces were wearing a bit thin at a couple of junctures, but a nice time was had by all, and I got back home to my nice comfy bed at a reasonable hour.

PS. Duckie chokkie is very nice. I'm eating the heads first so I feel less guilty about eating the rest. :-)

trixtah: (potter)
Dear lady in the groovy kiddies' shop:

I shouldn't have to tell you three times that it doesn't matter whether the gifts are for a boy or a girl when it comes to selecting the wrapping paper. I want cute paper to go with the cute little robot pants, dinky top and groovy toy I just bought; that is all.

Ok, you don't know me, and maybe I want some girlie paper for a little girl (although since the paper selection is sitting there right in front of the counter, I can actually use my eyes). But I shouldn't have to tell you twice more that it's irrelevant. I mean, seriously, STFU.

No love,


However, welcome to the world, wee Josephine. You couldn't have chosen better parents or a cooler older sister, so you've made a fantastic start.


Mar. 22nd, 2009 12:16 am
trixtah: (merriment)
Yay for [ profile] ironed_orchid and [ profile] marsianer getting civilly partnered in such a lovely way. There was snivelling.

Yay for attending festive occasions where I can wear a tie, and no-one bats an eye, except of the appreciative kind.

Yay for fun-albeit-brief conversations with a bunch of nice people, and getting to meet various relations, which is always interesting.

And yay for meeting the rest of the queer tie- and non-tie-wearing cabal, [ profile] radicalyffe and [ profile] baglieg, because it was nice to have "family" of the ultra-extended and metaphorical kind around as well. And also meeting groovy fellow-travellers [ profile] grimreaperess and [ profile] adamthebastard, because it's fun having varied conversations with new people.

Yay cocktails (yes, I'm on call, bad me).

While I'm somewhat squiffy now, I managed to finish a class debate speech today, and I also managed to work around a problem with the Brisbane internet link between civil partnerings and cocktails. All the mail is going via Canberra now, and frankly my dear I don't give a damn, unless the Canberra link fails too. None of that is my problem, yay.
trixtah: (merriment)
yummy cocktails )
As you can see from the pic, I have been doing stuff:
  • Cocktails of pinkness (and other shades) with [ profile] buddleia and [ profile] i_kender at The Star at Night. Nom nom nom! As was the cheap and cheerful Japanese on Old Compton St afterwards

  • Caught up with my old friend Shazza and heard about her new g/f of hotness and her new job as a copper

  • Went to Tates Britain and Modern, drooled over Rothko and the pre-Raphaelites (and sundry others)

  • Went to the V & A, looked at 1000 year old black Chinese tea bowls that are exactly like the ones used now, and lots of other coolness

  • Went to Kew Gardens - pics to follow

  • Went to Penarth in Wales to catch up with old friends and their new pooch. Squeezed in an exhibition at the Cardiff Art Museum

  • Caught up with my old g/f Jo, who is just as groovy and fabulous as ever. And her dad, who invited me to come stay in Derby whenever I like, bless him. And her groovy aunty. Had cocktails with Jo after by ourselves, and hashed Life, the Universe and Everything


May. 9th, 2006 06:13 pm
trixtah: (Default)
Damn damn damn. I was all booked to go to Melbourne this weekend to hang out with my old colleague R, who was to be visiting from NZ. She just texted me to say it's all off, two days AFTER I paid my airfares. Dammit. Not her fault, the poor love, her boss just decided it wasn't necessary to have someone on-site for the work to be performed (since work was going to be paying for her flights, she was going to spend an extra couple of days having a weekend break).

So, I find myself having a dilemma - do I suck it up, pay extra for accomodation and just head down there and have a nowhere-near-as-much-fun evening/day by myself? Or do I cancel and forfeit $100-worth of fees? The latter option is cheaper, obviously, and it's not as if I don't have good reason to stick around Canberra this weekend.... The, er, shopping I intended to do, I can do online just as conveniently.

...I think I've just decided. Home this weekend, then. Weekend breaks are more fun if you've got someone to do them with, most definitely.

Cafe sex

Mar. 14th, 2006 10:32 am
trixtah: (Default)
Yum! )

You'd never guess what the first thing I did on hitting Wellington was, eh? That coffee had the consistency of sump oil, and tasted divine.

My darling friend B is enormous, but no baby as yet. The sun has been shining brilliantly, both in Auckland and Wgtn. My delightful Colombian friend R is just as delightful as ever, and the margaritas are fine. I spent $200 on CDs, but since I have a Real Groovy card, I got $90 off. Yay!

Belgian mussels for lunch. Mmmmmm!

Here I am

Mar. 10th, 2006 11:19 pm
trixtah: (Default)

Air New Zealand has some very swanky new planes, with personal little TV screens even in cattle class. Malaysian Airways has been doing it for well over 5 years, but the Air NZ planes are nicer. Although that may have been a function of it being half-empty. I really cannot remember the last time I got on a plane that wasn't chokka. Very pleasant, althought the lunch wasn't that great.

There's a personalised movie selection, music channels, games and CDs. They had Serenity! Some guy was watching it, but he didn't get to see the end - well, hopefully he's hooked now.

I watched Goodnight and Good Luck which I was intending to see at the movies anyway. I'd been slightly putting it off because of George Clooney, but I need to remember that he actually isn't a bad actor. Just because I hated Oh Brother, Where Art Thou? and I think Ocean's Eleven etc is pure fluff doesn't mean he's bad at his job. I just need to put him in the same category as Sandra Bullock.

Anyway. Home nice. Latest niece v. cute. Sashimi dinner at the sake bar fab. Beautiful sunset. B hasn't had her baby quite yet. Pasifika Polynesian festival tomorrow.

I'm staying in a budget hotel in central Auckland for a couple of nights. I had severe difficulties remembering where the street was - it's been eight years since I did much driving here - but I headed in the general direction and found it after a few minutes. I should have remembered it better - the building that has been converted to a hotel was formerly a warehouse and offices. I belonged to a group that was trying to set up an arty-ish gay mag in the late 80s called "Glo" - we checked out that exact building for our prospective offices. Synchronicity. Well, no wonder I didn't remember the street exactly - we only did a couple of issues. Asking queers to spend over $5 for a mag back then was a BIG ask.

Anyway. Time for a cocktail. Cheers!
trixtah: (Default)
Sometimes one has to believe there is something in what Jung said.

I learned today that the young WLI is going to be baptised as a Mormon tomorrow. For some strange reason, she didn't want to share the news with me directly. And while I know people choose religions for reasons that are utterly incomprehensible to me, I really don't think that the LDS church is the best choice for a young kinky bi woman with poly tendencies (well, the last part would have been fine in early LDS history). I know she wants to get away from some aspects of her past, and she genuinely wants to get married and have babies with a good reliable Christian man. I also know that being Christian, even of the LDS persuasion, is not a guarantee of "reliablility" or even "goodness". But hell, it's her life and her trainwreck.

Anyway, getting back to the synchronicity thing, I went to the Wikipedia main page to have a bit of a browse and found this article on Joseph Smith as the featured article of the day. Well, it's not engraved on Golden Plates, but it seems like I'm getting a message here. That's just dandy.
trixtah: (Default)
Got one email back so far, from my friend and ex-colleague Andy. It was just a bit too fucking close for comfort:
Yesterday was certainly traumatic - I was late leaving home and missing my usual Victoria bound train caught one to Kings Cross instead, arriving around 9:30am as they were evacuating the place - and soot covered coughing passengers.  At first I thought there'd been a fire at Kings Cross since there were half a dozen fire engines outside and the police were in the process of cordoning off the road - I asked one of the coppers what was happening and he told me that there'd been a power surge that had knocked out all the electrics and caused a couple of fires.  So I got on my bike and started cycling to work.  I had just turned off Euston Road and was heading towards Russell Square when there was the sound of an almighty explosion which almost knocked me off my bike.  Turning the corner into Tavistock Place a couple of minutes later I was yelled at by a police officer who told me to keep back - behind him I could see the wreckage of a bus and bodies on the ground - so I just got out of there as fast as I could, swerving to dodge all the emergency service vehicles racing to the scene.

Half the department didn't make in to work that day, and it was horrible waiting for the mobile networks to unclog so that they could be checked on. But he and his girlfriend are safe, her parents who were coming down to visit (and were arriving at Euston) got turned back and are safe, all my old colleagues are fine.

I just wish everyone else would fucking email me back, although I realise that fiddling around on the internet isn't necessarily a priority right now. None of them are on any casulty or missing lists, but I would also like to know if any of them are lying in any bloody hospitals.
trixtah: (Default)
I hate being on the other side of the world and waking up to horrific news like this bombing of London. I hate being worried about my friends, none of whom have checked in yet. That's the trouble with intermittent communication via email, you don't know what their schedules are, or where they are likely to be.

Two of the bombs were near where I used to work. I often ate lunch in Russell Sq, where the tube train was blown up. We had work dos at the Tavistock hotel, near where the double-decker was bombed. My old workplace was used as a staging area for some of the wounded. I have ex-colleagues and a couple of friends who could have possibly been on one or the other of the tubes. Luckily most of them would have been in the office before 9, but I've emailed one ex-colleague who should be able to update me on how everyone there's getting on.

I'm just hoping my lovely ones who work centrally are ok.
trixtah: (Default)
And not just in the sense of being fun to be around, and laughing with, and drinking wine, and talking bullshit... They are fantastic in the sense of keeping you out of your own arse.

I've been feeling fairly blah in the last few weeks, and went to see my SOBNQEG today (and the baby, but of course that was incidental). So, I was sitting there, bitching away, saying that I feel like I'm having an early mid-life crisis. She goes, "Why?" And I continue moaning on about how I'm horribly in debt, I don't have any assets whatsoever (other than a bed, some books, an old car and a stereo), I miss my other friends, I don't know if I'll ever earn enough to be comfortable when I'm old and whine whine grizzle.

She got that "you've got to be joking" expression on her face and said, "You've got your health, you have a great job that's enabling you to pay off this debt, you've got your independence [important point, coming from a mother of three and wife of two], you've had the opportunity to travel around the world. AND?"

So, I half-heartedly tried to grizzle a bit more, and after a couple more minutes, gave it up as a bad job. Because, of course, she's right. I mean, it isn't stuff I hadn't been telling myself anyway, but having it from the third-person perspective (from someone I respect) makes a difference.

I've also decided that my best and truest friends are the ones who will tell me to get my shit together, in precisely those words if necessary. Also, a relationship won't work out for me if my lover won't give me a good (verbal and deserved) slapping occasionally either -- funny that, since I thought I would be more the sort of person who doesn't like being challenged too much. But it's good, at the appropriate intervals. Of course, a friend of mine who was BDSMishly-inclined said that is a typical butch-bottom attitude. I laugh (hollowly) at her.

Anyways, babe, if you read this, thank you.

And for all my other friends, who have each performed the "get-over-it!" manoeuvre in your sundry ways, thank you too. I'll bring the wine next time. :-)


trixtah: (Default)

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