trixtah: (Default)
So, the last few weeks have been a real rollercoaster for me - mostly sailing way up on the fast switchbacks, but there maybe some swooping down low coming along imminently.

The thing with The Artist (performance, sculpture, textiles, print, paint, you name it...) has in fact turned into a THING. It's gone beyond kinky funtimes and sexy funtimes into something else quite serious, quite fast. In fact, very fast. I'm not sure whether it's because of the compressed timeframe - certainly, the quantity of the time we've been spending together and the actual content of that time spent is due to that - or whether it's because we seem to be very compatible in a still-surprising number of ways. Or a combination of the two things. But I don't normally get so emotionally engaged with someone quite so quickly - in fact, I can only think of one other example when I did.

I'm surprisingly unfreaked-out by this turn of events, because we both seem to be sane people who are trying to do the best we can in this slightly insane situation. If you're both bright, and rational, and trying to do your best, even if it doesn't work out, you haven't fucked each other around. Because of that, the good stuff will always be a pleasant memory even if you can't make it work due to whatever circumstances - I don't think I'd let it get this far if I didn't think that would be the case. In addition, The Artist's partner, The Scientist, is completely fabulous and very tolerant of the general air of sane-insanity that is going on at the present, which, frankly, I'm incredibly grateful for.

So, there's a 2-3 weeks to go. This is a VERY SHORT time. We've agreed that something will continue after my return to NZ, but as to what form that will take, who knows. I do know I'm going to crash a bit when I get there, although I hope that the focus I'll have on getting to grips with my new job and finding somewhere to live will be in the nature of an interesting way to keep my mind off things rather than adding to a difficult burden. Here's hoping.

As it is, I think peeps should be expecting to see me on this side of the ditch much more frequently than I originally anticipated, leave permitting and all (one annoying about a new job - you lose all your leave reserves). And I'm feeling surprisingly optimistic, although these next few weeks are going to be hard. I need to balance the sense of realism with not getting bogged down in unnecessary - at this stage - sadness. I do, however, expect some random outbreaks of SAD in the general way of things, but it'd be frigging odd if that didn't happen.

In the meantime, must finish packing. I'm getting a bit stressed about stuff I need to get rid of/pack - including my car, fuck it - and my energies are very much going in the wrong kind of direction for good organisation in that area. I'm sure I'll get there in the end, though.
trixtah: (Default)
The women I fancy often seem to have one of two main musical genres they like:
  • Heavy metal/rock; OR
  • the Leonard Cohen/Nick Cave/Elvis Costello/Johnny Cash/Tom Waites intersection
However they often cross over with liking one or more varieties of classical music.

(And of course there are umpty billion other genres they like - one likes new age, another likes classic funk, another lounge music. But I can divide nearly all of them between those two major groupings.)

At least I like some of the more accessible - but not overly cliched or soupy-romantic - varieties of classical music. The two major categories there, not so much at all.

Obviously I like women who are quite different to myself in some ways (although very similar in terms of politics, feminism and sexuality), and music is definitely one of those distinguishing factors.

So yeah, narcissism ISN'T the reason I'm queer. lol.
trixtah: (Default)
Well, the CDL and I got together today to wrap our relationship, at least as lovers. After a bit of downtime, we expect to be able to pick up our friendship again, which is how things got underway in the first place.

I tend to find that if you start off on a basis of friendship and affection, it's generally not that difficult to find it again when the more intimate involvement is over. While it might be tempting to joke about my "fuzzy boundaries" between friendships and relationships, to me it boils down to the intensity of your feelings for someone, and the means you choose to express those feelings (ie. sex, generally). Naturally a relationship entails a greater depth of general involvement in each other's lives, and some sense of shared goals, but our circumstances weren't exactly conventional in those areas anyway. So while moving back and forth across those boundaries involves certain levels of decision-making and behaviour-calibration, the underlying fundamentals hopefully endure (to a greater or lesser degree depending on circumstances).

(please excuse the discursion into cod-philosophical rationalisation)

It's going to be difficult leaving behind the best relationship I've been in so far. I've learned a few new things about myself these past few years, and refined a few other things. I've been very privileged to have this time with someone who is so fab in so many ways. There is no animosity at all, or recriminations, or drama either. But there is no point pushing to try and make something work when the capacity to do so isn't there. I'm sure I'll be spending a few more evenings snivelling into a whisky and having more interrupted sleep, but it's all get-throughable.

Thanks to those who have already offered me supportive words; it's very much appreciated.
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I was about to go insane from the steady pressure of the last few weeks at work, and took Friday off and went to Melbourne for a couple of days. The initial plan was to rendezvous with an ex-colleague of mine who was going to be over for a training course, but we somehow managed to miss each other in our preparatory email interchange. I decided to go anyway due to the preceding work insanity.

Melbourne is one of those places, like Wellington, San Francisco, Brussels and Hawaii, where I immediately felt that it was my kind of place on first going there. You can walk across the CBD in a bit more than 1/2 an hour. There is a CBD. There are cool and funky inner-city suburbs. There is decent public transport. There are tall buildings (which I can take or leave, but they also give a certain density of people in the area), the river (nice for lunching by), the dinky little alleyways, swanky shops and grungy shops, people from zillions of cultures, fantastic food, and great coffee. Other than the ethnic mix, there are recognisable queers and goths and students and arty types and the lot wandering around and mixing and matching. There are even shops selling clothing I'd like to wear (suits! pretty pretty shirts!). There are lots of very attractive women in their suits roaming the streets in the lunch hours. Getting back to the coffee, it amuses me that I found no less than 3 cafes serving Coffee Supreme, which is based in Wellington. I think it's the best commercially-roasted coffee in NZ at present. It appears that they've started another roasting operation in Mebourne, and the stuff here tasted just as good as the coffee brewed in its city of origin. So I overdosed a bit, oh well.

I realise that I'm experiencing the place as a tourist, but some places are more "homelike". As I mentioned, I had that feeling about Wellington the first time I visited, and when I finally got to live there, I loved it. So, yay for spending time in a place that just fits.

I got to spend some excellent time with [ profile] damned_colonial and her SCA buddies. It was probably a little bit bad of me to take over the stoking and feeding of the experimental pizza oven that a couple of them had built, but it was a cool contraption, and well, I can't help myself around fire. And being controlling about properly-cooked food. :-) Also, it was nice to have an appreciative audience, and anything that gives me scope for my butchly liking of fixing things is good. Heh. [ profile] damned_colonial and I also hit the Victoria Markets the next morning, which is the best indoor food market I've encountered here in Oz so far. I admit to being biased towards places which have a good deli section. Sydney seems to have a much better seafood selection, interestingly enough. So, yay, hanging out with groovy people who like doing fun things is always a bonus. I will be doing it more often.

I also got to meet the charming [ profile] goatsfoot yesterday, which was fab. It's nice to put faces to names (and L/Js), and it's even nicer when they're people you hit it off with. I did my usual shy-and-talking-too -much thing, but oh well, that's better than the opposite problem. I'm looking forward to catching up again in a month and hopefully in a more leisurely fashion. Also, Plans were Being Hatched.

After getting home again (I made the airport with 5 minutes to spare, due to being engrossed in conversation with [ profile] goatsfoot, bad me) and having some decent sleep, I got to spend some nice quality time with the CDL today, which involved some good and affirmatory "checking-in" conversation, healing massages, inspection of a few purchases I made in Melbourne, and other excellent stuff. Fucking yay. You know, this weekend, I pwned the world, and it was good.
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I have two fantastic women in my life. They don't need to do anything special to make me grateful for their presence, other than being who they are. Yay.

[This post brought to you by Happy Poly Moments, ™ & ®   [ profile] polyamory¹ ]

¹ Irony, kiddos, irony
² The first para of the post is not ironic. :-)
trixtah: (Tattoo)
I had a really nice evening with the OGF last night, thank god. It consisted of kid-wrangling, cooking my own dinner (since I have vowed never to eat spag bol with mince, ever again), drinking 1/2 a glass of wine, watching a movie while the baby refused to go to sleep, and then giving the OGF a shoulder rub until she passed out on me. I seem to have this effect on women, heh. Except babies.

But, we talked. And it was nice. She's having four new people move into her house. Her hubbies have gotten involved with another woman, and she and her husband and their two children are officially moving in this weekend. Dear lord - five adults and five children, all in the same (admittedly large) space. I'm just relieved I can visit.

Due to the fact that all of these rumptions had been going on while I hadn't spent any quality time with her in literally months, I was feeling a certain degree of insecurity about the whole thing, but she made a couple of observations that were reassuring. Firstly, it appears that there are limits to Puppy Pile Polyamory, at least for her. She doesn't want to majorly bond with the two new additions, especially the "other woman". Of course, the (well, my) definition of PPP is that you want to snuggle up with all your loved ones. These two additions are not her loved ones. Yay boundaries. Secondly, she said this morning that she doesn't have mental or emotional room at all for another woman. This is the first time in her life that that's been the case, since she's apparently always had at least a couple on the go up until I came along. But it seems that I take up as much mental space as any two other women.

Regarding that last, I'm a little unsure what to think. The reason I'm happy she's not all "boots in" with the new additions is time. She and I don't have enough time as it is, and I was quite wibbly about the idea that someone else was going to make it shrink even further (rampaging orgies would be fine, since, you know, that wouldn't impinge on our quality time; emotional investment would be something else). I said that I don't know how I take up so much "mental space", since we hardly see each other, but I apparently "just do". Actually, I do know what she means in terms of thinking about loved ones constantly - I certainly do nearly all the time - and I think that's pretty much what she was meaning. I didn't want to pursue the topic too much, and sound all neurotically demanding about "What exactly do you mean?", so I think I'll ruminate on it a bit further myself.

Why is this niggling at me a wee bit? It's because I tend to get involved with ambitious, go-getting and busy women. And since I'm not particularly those things myself, I like to take on a nurturing and "cheerleading" (if you like) role where I can. [How butch am I? Hah.] And if I'm taking up someone's mental energy, am I being more a drain than not? Because I cannot bear to feel that that might be the case. I'm actually quite sure I'm not, on a gut-instinct basis. All I need to do is sort out in my head what the implications are, and I'll be groovy.

And this is really the point of the post. While I don't think I tend to intellectualise my (and others') emotions much, I obviously do have to make logical sense of them - as much as possible - before I trust my instincts. I'm surprised as to how much it makes a difference to my inner feeling of security - and it's something I wish I'd realised about myself a lot earlier. I might be fairly trusting on an emotional basis, but my poor brane needs some assistance, evidently.

ETA: And I forgot to mention Mistress Matisse's latest column on poly in The Stranger. Leaving aside the primary/secondary terminology, I think it should just about be required reading. Especially, "When you say, "it's fine," really mean that it's fine." And, "Don't stick your dick in crazy."
I liked her thoughts about queerness in relation to poly as well - mainly because it's exactly what I think.
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Things I have achieved in the last week:

  • Drove up to Sydney to see Vise and Consent (agh, spelling!), which was a BDSM 101 movie that was interesting food for thought. They could have left out the craptacular artwork though; the interviews were good.
  • Caught up with [personal profile] felix_femme and [personal profile] grey_evil_twin while I was there. Lovely peoples, yay. And it's fun getting goss.
  • Found great coffee at Campos, on Missenden St, just off King St. If anyone can explain to me why they close at bloody 4pm on weekdays, I'd be grateful. How stupid. And where is their web page? Mind you, they don't seem to need advertising. It was packed out at 10am on Thursday.
  • Went along to a doctor that [personal profile] saluqi and [profile] faxon recommended, who was a great guy, and recommended me for an MRI instantly.
  • Went and got the MRI done, and got the films back today. I have a degenerative tear of the body of the lateral meniscus with a small multilocated parameniscal cyst. I'm not sure about the "degenerative" part, since I know when I screwed my knee (heavy fall onto uneven pavement), but nemmind. It's really wierd, but I feel relieved that there is actually something wrong there. I'm not a hypochondriac, but I'm not used to something going on for so long... I was almost convincing myself I was making something out of nothing. Well, yay. Off to the doc tomorrow again to see what treatment options there are.
  • Helped [personal profile] saluqi hunt and gather some gardening materials for the organic vege garden that she and her Bear are putting in their backyard. Also provided a shopping list of things to get for the aforementioned garden, which [personal profile] saluqi has well under control. Looking forward to D[ig]-Day this weekend.
  • Finally pinned down the OGF for a night away somewhere - weekend after next. About bloody time; here's hoping nothing comes up to get in the way of our plans (such as they are right now).
  • Had a few bloody nice hours with the CDL yesterday afternoon. Man, I'm so fortunate with the cool people in my life. :-D
trixtah: (Default)
I was just reflecting on the fact that I've been unusually diffident in pursuing my lust objects these last few years. I burbled on about that here quite recently. Since I am most certainly more confident and sure of I want in a lover, I started to wonder just why that has been the case lately.

I was reminded of being in my early twenties... not sure what the rules were and not knowing how to put myself forward. Since I'm now in my late 30s, and actually, I think I do have a reasonably decent grasp of those two things (when I am consciously out to impress someone), it seemed odd and back-slidery.

So, just now (ruminating on stuff when you're trying to sleep is silly, really), I got it. Claiming the poly label is a relatively new thing for me. I really don't suffer jealousy myself, and I also think I have a pretty good set of boundaries when it comes to handling my relationships. However. All the people I've been interested in over the last few years in the poly context have been involved with someone else. And that's my sticking point.

Even when I was trying the mono thing, and yet still having stupid affairs (which caused breakups, since I am not a liar in that sense), there was no way in hell I went after someone who had a partner. The one time I did sleep with someone who was still involved with someone else, I felt as sick as hell when I found out. And that was a boundary I was extremely vigorous in policing. There is an ex of mine I still find attactive, and again, I feel guilty about that because she is with someone else. The biggest thing for me to get over the poly sense has been just that; that it is ok to be with someone who has another partner.

Well, I thought that having identified that issue, I was alright with it. However, I just twigged that I haven't just suddenly lost my knack of taking the initiative in the last 3 years - one person in particular I had no problems making a pass at, but, hahah!, she wasn't involved elsewhere. So, there you go, there is some wierd guilt thing still operating on the subconscious level somewhere. Once I've gotten over the "yeah, I fancy you too" hump, and it's all on, I'm fine. It's an odd place to have residue, though.
trixtah: (Default)
Well, I was hoping to have a nice cheerful post for you all by today. I went home - to Auckland - for a few days, and it was fab. The sun shone, I got to see a ton of my friends and have excellent quality time with them all. I squoze three babies, who are just all cute. I had nice meals and great coffee. I attended the con for people who subscribe to the alt.polyamory newsgroup with the CDL and that was wonderfully unstressful and fun. I had some excellent quality time with the CDL as well, which was wonderful after a fairly otherwise-occupied few weeks, and which featured one of the best dinners I've ever had. She's a fantastic person to be around on so many levels, and was a great travelling companion on the way back. Getting home was no stress given the fact her Bear came and picked us both up from the airport, thus removing the need for stupid taxis.

But instead of feeling the usual degree of recharged and happy and loved-by-my-loved-ones and less homesick and all that after being in NZ, I have another cold. I had yesterday off work, and spent most of today in the office feeling like The Return of the Living Dead. Everything has been difficult, and while I think I'd be coping better if it were just normal being sick, coming after a big emotional high, my energy isn't where it should be. And that just feels wrong. I should be bouncing around the place going "Yippee!", or, as would be normal in these circs, "I'm toooodally mellow, man", and for that not to be the case is disappointing.

Instead, stupidity like a senior manager telling us to remove Firefox from our PCs at work because of "security reasons" (hang on while I spit) is just typical of some of the things that were pinging me today on just the trivial work level. I don't even feel irritated by it, just flattened. Not good.

Actually, disappointment and feeling snuffly and tired just isn't the best combination all round, so I think I should stop thinking about it and make some miso soup. At least I was able to find some kombu in the Asian shop on the way home from work, so I can make some proper dashi from scratch rather than use the instant stuff that has MSG as its second ingredient.

I promise a more positive post once I've got my emotional equilibrium back in its usual place. There're a lot of nice things to talk about.
trixtah: (Tattoo)
One of the nicer things about having groovy people in your life is that they take an interest. And taking an interest means that they can point out some ways in which there is room for improvement.

So, when I did some bed improvements a few weeks back, the CDL took the opportunity to point out that my bedding could be somewhat better too, so off shopping we went. Having 1000-count cotton sheets is very bloody nice, actually. Adding extra incentives for someone to share them with me from time to time is great too.

I've also resisted top sheets for years, since I used to have horrific problems getting tangled up in them - it seems that the heavier sheeting, not tucked in so I can stick my feet out, doesn't cause the same hassle. So, yay, good experiment there, and that also means much less duvet cover washing. Which is a good thing.

Next, wine glasses. I had none. I've had a habit of saying to various flatmates when moving countries, "You want my crockery and glassware? Great, have it." - which means that I buy everything new when I need to. Depending on how settled I feel, I get more or less stuff beyond the bare basics. Because I hadn't been feeling particularly settled, bare basics was it. But now, I have some v. nice crystal wine glasses, which, of course, I had to take for a test drive.

The first wine I tried is an Australian (McLaren Vale) Cabernet Sauvignon by Hugh Hamilton, called The Villian. I bought it because it's an Adelaide wine, it cost between $20-25, and because it has a picture of a black sheep on the front. Yes, I buy books by their covers too. Bloody nice, actually. Sniff it, and a Ribena-like smell hits you. Then there are blackberry, slightly musty leather, and hints of nutmeg and bacon flavours. It's a 2003, but it's a little bit astringent and tannin-y. Very nice, though, and not too overpowering. Maybe another year or so in the bottle to round it out a bit?

I bought the second one today, because I had somewhat draining afternoon, and I'm knackered. It's a good-old Kiwi Sauvignon Blanc from Ata Rangi. It's this year's vintage, so very fresh, and would be better next year or the one after. Still, it's bloody yum. Passionfruit and lime flavours, but nicely (and not too) dry. Very quaffable.

Anyways, nice sheets and nice glasses. Lovely in themselves, and the associated other parts are fab too.

Le weekend

May. 28th, 2006 08:52 pm
trixtah: (Default)
Well, I had a delightful weekend. Bought some new jeans, very exciting. Although they only seem to do black jeans with the stovepipe legs these days. Since I'm not a boy with hips narrower than my waist, I had to forgo them. Still, the kind of not-quite-black bootcut boys' jeans I ended up getting are pretty comfy. I just have to get 6 inches of excess trimmed off the bottom. *sigh*

I also bought some foam to stick under my fucking useless futon mattress. If you're after a good-quality, 5-layer futon (wool/cotton/foam/cotton/wool), do not go to Futons Express in Canberra (no linkie for them). The super-duper expensive "sumo" mattress hasn't even lasted a year - I can feel the slats when I lie on my side. And yes, I turn it every week and give it a thump.

Actually, I just looked at their site, and they do have a diagram of the 8" sumo mattress. There is only 2 inches of foam (which must be the crappiest kind), "4 layers" of cotton, and what looks like a miniscule layer of wool (an inch in total)? I didn't see that diagram before I bought it, or else I wouldn't have got it. Serves me right for not asking at the time.

When I got it, I was thinking of a certain brand of futons they sell in NZ, where the primo 6" mattress has a 2" coco fibre core, surrounded by an inch of latex on each side, and then an inch of  wool for the final layers. Maybe I should just get another bed - and I've found a new shop in Canberra that appears to do decent bases, with rubber mounts for the slats - but the only decent mattress manufacturer here appears to be in Melbourne. I'll try the shop in Sydney next time I'm up, but they look as dodgy as the Futons Express ones.
Cut for Saturday night date trivia )

Today, I drove around some obscure country towns - I felt like a scenic drive - and went to see X-Men, which wasn't quite as fun as I was hoping it to be. The ending was frankly stupid - I don't know how they got from the chaos of the 5 minutes before to all the lovely hearts and flowers at the end. What was stuck in as "light relief" was irritating, and Vinnie Jones should hold his fucking head in a bucket of water (or perhaps concrete would be better) for at least the next decade or so. There was maybe 15 minutes' dialogue in the whole thing? No character development to speak of, except Jean's (and "development" is kind of relative, here). Although I laughed at the part with the Golden Gate Bridge. Hm, entertaining, but I liked the last one better.

Also, the person the row behind me who ate her fucking popcorn with her mouth wide open throughout the entire movie - one kernel every 20 seconds, audible in the noisy parts, like a fucking overgrown rodent nibbling celery stalks - should be forced to eat it through her nose next time. God, it was irritating, and something I couldn't tune out. She'd eat faster in the exciting bits. And in the few times there was dialogue, she would punctuate it with her fucking crunchcrunchcrunch. Oh, and to all the people who laughed uproariously at the promo for the sexist retro bullshit that's Adam Sandler's latest vehicle (Click)? You're all fuckwits. So there.

But, you know, I had a great weekend.
trixtah: (Tattoo)
Just to let everyone who might be the slightest bit interested know, I am officially "seeing" someone else.

And it's Very Nice, thank you. Really, how else can it be with a witty, intelligent, astute, politically-bloody-onto-it, genuinely poly, open, local, sane, and *gasp* attractive woman?

My original girlfriend (you know, the one with the two blokes, three kids, dog and cat) - who will hereby be known as the OGF - is happy about the whole situation. Everything's great on the home front there - we are not parting ways in any sense. In fact, she feels more secure (yes, poly people are strange). And since I like the "new person's" current partner, that's just groovy all round.

Oh, and the "new person" will be known as the CDL, for reasons not to be divulged here. The last component of the acronym is "lady", just to annoy you. :-)

So, I hope that's all queerclear. Any enquiries may be placed in writing and will be answered at the discretion of management.
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I just bought a second-hand clarinet! $300, and in perfectly fine shape! Artificial cork may not be the cool lining for one's clarinet keys, but it lasts a hell of a lot longer than the real thing. It could do with a clean - and I wonder if I should do it myself as a wee project, I need to get some jeweller's screwdrivers anyway - but all the notes sound good, and at the speed I play, it doesn't matter if the response is a little bit sluggish.

But why oh why do second-hand instrument sellers always give reed instruments to you with the reed still in situ? Ick! At least the nice man gave me a new one when I asked, free of charge.

So, I'm going to have to find some fairly basic music - wonder if you can get free  (clarinet or other B flat instrument) sheetmusic online? - and get into practice. I haven't picked up an instrument of any description for over 10 years, and I was always better at playing the saxophone. Never by ear, though, I never was that good a musician.

In the "other fun news" department, my what-the-hell-do-I-call-her girlfriend and I had a very quick whizzbang trip to Sydney yesterday. She rung up, said "I have tickets to Candy Lips - book us a hotel room!" and off we went. Candy Lips was great fun (I enjoyed being frisked by the femmy "cop", although I had to make sure that no-one took too many liberties with my g/f, of course). We got somewhat tipsy, danced to some cheesy 80s music (the house music downstairs was just as boring as house always is to me) and snogged shamelessly at the bar (inadvertently, actually), like a pair of 18-year-olds. Oh well. Then we just had to leave the party before 1am (I know, we're getting old) and try out the toy I bought for her birthday, ooh, about 6 months ago. It was worth the wait. Well, kind of. Less waiting would have been better. Oh, and we had some awesome tapas at a place on the corner of Victoria and Liverpool St in Darlinghurst. Great sangria too. Shame I can't remember the name.

One thing, though. All the women at the party who were evidently "coupled" had similar body types. The big wide diesel types and their femmes; the tall slim trendy blondes; the cute boyish ones; the lipstick chix. What the hell is up with that? My g/f and I felt most peculiar, surrounded by all this matched morphology. Me - 5'6", Aussie size 14, HWP (if one must), short dark hair; her - 5'2", something over a size 20, very round, and with long curly red hair. Obviously, there's something wrong with us. If someone tried to explain my dykeishness in terms of "narcissism", they'd have a bit of a challenge, methinks. But is there some trend going on in the dyke community I'm not aware of these days? Or has it just taken me this long to notice? (since it's been about 8 years since I was last at a women-only event)

Anyway, for once I didn't buy any books in Sydney, but I managed to grab the aforementioned clarinet in the hour we had available between having breakfast and running to the train station. We did wave at [ profile] damned_colonial's street as we whizzed past. Shame we didn't have time for anything else, but my g/f's son's Xmas concert was calling. But I have been assured we'll be doing something similar again. I hope so; I had a fab time.
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So, I had a dream about one of my exes last night.

TMI, but not graphically so )

But, you know, that doesn't justify or explain the dreams and associated emotions. I wish to fuck it would stop. Maybe I'll grow out of it. :-)
trixtah: (Default)
So, the last time my g/f came over was when I was doing my first sourdough experiment, which didn't turn out so well.

I started another batch on Monday, and have been adding to the starter all week. I spoke to my g/f on Wednesday and mentioned that my former WLI was having her 24th birthday tomorrow and would she like to come? Since she always has to work on Saturday, I was NOT expecting her to leap at the opportunity. But she has. So, hot bread and ... ahem ... girlfriend tomorrow! eee!

So, what IS it about this sourdough stuff?
trixtah: (Default)
So. My g/f finally came round last night. We went out for yummy Vietnamese - there's a whole suburban shopping centre just up the road with TONS of Asian restaurants - I had no idea! Came home, kneaded sourdough, stuck it in oven, gave my g/f a massage which she desperately needed, retrieved sourdough, which turned out not-so-great (I needed about twice as much leavening in it. My recipe specifies white flour, but I did 1/2 rye flour and increased the leavening, but evidently not enough). And so to bed.

Somewhat TMI )

She left happier, more relaxed and rested, with loosened muscles and smiling that gorgeous smile I haven't seen enough of lately. And, I too, I have a smile on my face that can't be moved.

Off to the gym then. Tra la la!


May. 15th, 2005 09:51 pm
trixtah: (Default)
So much for my frivolous prediction of moving the Canberra server to be trivial work. It's head office, for god's sake, of course any issues that could be easily coped with in the regions would be horribly magnified here.

I need a bloody holiday after my last week, and I will be having a few days off at the end of the month... because my mother and sister are coming to visit. Well, at least I get to spend a few days in Melbourne, but I don't really consider it a holiday. I get on okay with mum, but we have nothing in common (other than being bloody opinionated).

And she'll be meeting my SOBNQEG for the first time, which is not something I'm looking forward to. Either there will be the deathly silence, or she'll come right out and say "Why did you lure my daughter over to this wierd setup and then dump her?" or somewhat less polite words to that effect. Personally, I hope it's the latter (if I need to choose between the two), because then mum is willing to listen. If it's the deathly silence, there is going to be no dialogue because the whole thing is beyond redemption.

I've given my SOBNQEG the heads-up; I'm still undecided about whether to introduce mum to the two boys and the kids as well. That might just be a bit much. I'm not ashamed of them - if I were still living with them all, there would be no question of mum meeting them, and she would just have to cope. She's managed to cope with most of the stuff I've thrown at her for the last 36 5/6 years - it's this poly thing that she's finding hard to get her head around. I should have chucked that one at her earlier, but I didn't really formulate it properly to myself until comparatively recently, when I was in England. And, of course, I was there.

Before that, the best formulation I could come up with was "non-monogamy", which just really tended to imply a no-committment kind of scenario to me. Falling deeply in love with two women simultaneously, and my having awe-inspiring relationships with both of them (until neither of them could bear the situation any more) should have woken my ideas up a bit, but didn't. Oh well, England has given me a new career and a new sexual identity label to contend with. No-one could never say that my life has been boring.

I explained a little about my "caught between two lovers" thing to my mother shortly after the event, just before going to England; I think the judgment there was that I was just being fickle. So, trying to explain my last situation has been trying to unsuccessfully get past the "What's wrong with her that she needs TWO men and a woman?" Yeah, mum, I get to have more than one person too if I want to. And since I don't really get jealous, it doesn't bother me how many lovers my lover has. But since the kind-of breakup, any progress I made on that front has been well and truly eroded.

It really doesn't matter in the end; while I care about my mother's feelings, I really don't give a toss what she thinks. It's ironic: I never had to justify myself about the dyke thing. She always said, "If you're happy, I'm happy", which is bloody cool. And despite her opinionatedness on many fronts, she really does accept the whole thing. I'm sure we'll get over this hurdle as well. Maybe it's better that I'm single at present, so that she can digest it without having to form a relationship with my partners - hah, I know she'd find one of the boys almost insufferable. At least we don't have to worry about THAT at present.


trixtah: (Default)

January 2016

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