Thoughts fuzzy, but what you're saying sounds like a lot of good sense. Really good finding the word "eliciting" as opposed to "causing". My first lover was so "groovy" that she just dropped me in favour of another woman she met one night while we were out, without actually telling me about it until I asked her a few weeks later. She bore absolutely no responsibility, because I'd signed on to be "cool" about it all (she had a long-term gf when I met her, however I wasn't the first one to mention the l word between us!). But you know, I think she behaved really badly.

I haven't read the Ethical Slut, but I should (even though it sounds like I won't agree with all of it).

I think the "take no responsibility" thing is something men are socialised with a lot more than women, incidentally. The "make you endlessly guilty" thing that a lot of women are socialised with is also crap (no wonder so many hets need self-help books to communicate with their partners), so, working out happy mediums and being flexible for different situations and personalities is much better.