I agree that we should not feel responsible for fixing someone's feelings, or, actually, for how they manifest themselves. But in the need to be groovy and not get into guilt-tripping, I don't think ignoring someone's agency in what feelings they elicit is that constructive either.

Yeah, that was IMHO the biggest hole in that book. "Own your emotions" is a useful idea and just what some people need, but taken to extremes... well, why do you need relationships with other people at all? Why not just decide to give yourself the warm fuzzies without having to bother about coordinating timetables?