A couple of observations. Sometimes there are good reasons in addition to the feeling of "eh" for not getting things done. With fitness for example, you've had a buggered knee and it's still not healed after the surgery. And you were hardly a couch potato before the surgery (gardening, walking to work, etc)
Also, it would be a mistake to think that over high achievers don't struggle with similar things. One thing that helped me cut free of some internal roadblocks was approaching the "eh" like you are, as a project to sort out.
It took me a year before I had the self-discipline to train in martial arts/qi gong stuff every day. I found a few things that worked for me and a heap of things that did not while working on that little project. One thing that really worked was to interview myself if I was about to make an excuse. I caught myself thinking "I won't do leg training because I don't have shoes on" one morning. I find exposing one's internal excuse processes to be pretty enlightening (and embarrassing, and motivating). Others may not.
As to the fear of looking clueless in front of people, that was another thing holding me back. It's actually one of the reasons I started dog showing. I was aware that at martial art I was not relaxing properly into a lot of the training because I was too worried about being watched and judged as lacking. And of course, the more I worried about that, the crappier my performance got and the more internal walls I hit.
The dog showing was an opportunity to throw myself right into a bitchy snake pit where people would, no matter what I did, think I was clueless and hopeless and regularly say so to me and to others. It's been hard god knows, but it's also strengthened my "fuck you fu" immeasurably. I really don't care these days about looking like a dork, it feels very clean and lets me get on with the business of getting ahead of everyone else and ruling the world. Mua ha ha ha!! what I want to do - without that critical video camera in my head.
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Date: 2006-12-01 07:56 pm (UTC)Also, it would be a mistake to think that
overhigh achievers don't struggle with similar things. One thing that helped me cut free of some internal roadblocks was approaching the "eh" like you are, as a project to sort out.It took me a year before I had the self-discipline to train in martial arts/qi gong stuff every day. I found a few things that worked for me and a heap of things that did not while working on that little project. One thing that really worked was to interview myself if I was about to make an excuse. I caught myself thinking "I won't do leg training because I don't have shoes on" one morning. I find exposing one's internal excuse processes to be pretty enlightening (and embarrassing, and motivating). Others may not.
As to the fear of looking clueless in front of people, that was another thing holding me back. It's actually one of the reasons I started dog showing. I was aware that at martial art I was not relaxing properly into a lot of the training because I was too worried about being watched and judged as lacking. And of course, the more I worried about that, the crappier my performance got and the more internal walls I hit.
The dog showing was an opportunity to throw myself right into a bitchy snake pit where people would, no matter what I did, think I was clueless and hopeless and regularly say so to me and to others. It's been hard god knows, but it's also strengthened my "fuck you fu" immeasurably. I really don't care these days about looking like a dork, it feels very clean and lets me get on with
the business of getting ahead of everyone else and ruling the world. Mua ha ha ha!!what I want to do - without that critical video camera in my head.