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trixtah...some observations that have come to mind lately. They are not the wisdom of the ages, but they work for me.
Regarding that last, I'm glad I came out when I was 18, and was able to get over the vestiges of my stupid misconceptions about the nobility of the queer subculture before I was old enough for it to matter particularly. I don't recall whether it was when I first heard the word "tuna" in a certain context, or was told I was "male-identified". That naivety had already been eroded by my working class upbringing (yes, there is some solidarity... some) and my encounters with feminists and the peace movement. However, I do still get surprised at adults entering some subculture at an advanced age who get surprised about the fact that members of it can be fuck-ups.
I notice that syndrome particularly in the poly comms, mainly, I suppose, because most of us are over 18 when we "come out" about that identity to ourselves (you can fool yourself for quite a while by saying you want to "play the field"). But I still find it hard to believe when otherwise presumably-sane adults appear lose all sense of judgement when they enter the new candystore. Subcommunity NRE, perhaps?
- "Treat others as you would like to be treated" is perhaps the best philosophy ever. Yay to Judaism for first enunciating it. In other words, respect is the most important concept in dealing with other people.
ETA: Since there is a bit of confusion about what I'm saying here, I don't mean treating people the same as I'd like to be treated. Ick! :-) - Just about everything is relative. There are some near absolutes (violence is not a solution; (non-consenting) abuse is bad), but the degree you're affected by anything is generally very much relative to your circumstances.
- "I'll never..." is a statement you should be wary of making.
- "I'll always..." is a statement you should be equally wary about making.
- Love doesn't fix anything. It makes you more tolerant, patient, forgiving, encouraging. It makes you more willing to try and willing to redeem yourself. But sometimes that isn't enough - fixing things is something you need to do for yourself, if possible - love doesn't magically make it happen.
- While you may feel that you've found your true home when you discover you're a member of a certain subculture, you probably haven't. At best, you might have knocked an edge or two off your square peg.
- Just because someone else is a member of the queer community, it does not mean they are also automatically trustworthy, sane, non-violent, honest, likeable, and immune to racism, sexism, classism, or homophobia (link via
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grey_evil_twin). This applies to members of any subcommunity, whether feminist, poly, kink, pagan, geek, peacenik, socialist, or whatever.
Regarding that last, I'm glad I came out when I was 18, and was able to get over the vestiges of my stupid misconceptions about the nobility of the queer subculture before I was old enough for it to matter particularly. I don't recall whether it was when I first heard the word "tuna" in a certain context, or was told I was "male-identified". That naivety had already been eroded by my working class upbringing (yes, there is some solidarity... some) and my encounters with feminists and the peace movement. However, I do still get surprised at adults entering some subculture at an advanced age who get surprised about the fact that members of it can be fuck-ups.
I notice that syndrome particularly in the poly comms, mainly, I suppose, because most of us are over 18 when we "come out" about that identity to ourselves (you can fool yourself for quite a while by saying you want to "play the field"). But I still find it hard to believe when otherwise presumably-sane adults appear lose all sense of judgement when they enter the new candystore. Subcommunity NRE, perhaps?