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Since I appear to be in a philosophical mood...
...some observations that have come to mind lately. They are not the wisdom of the ages, but they work for me.
Regarding that last, I'm glad I came out when I was 18, and was able to get over the vestiges of my stupid misconceptions about the nobility of the queer subculture before I was old enough for it to matter particularly. I don't recall whether it was when I first heard the word "tuna" in a certain context, or was told I was "male-identified". That naivety had already been eroded by my working class upbringing (yes, there is some solidarity... some) and my encounters with feminists and the peace movement. However, I do still get surprised at adults entering some subculture at an advanced age who get surprised about the fact that members of it can be fuck-ups.
I notice that syndrome particularly in the poly comms, mainly, I suppose, because most of us are over 18 when we "come out" about that identity to ourselves (you can fool yourself for quite a while by saying you want to "play the field"). But I still find it hard to believe when otherwise presumably-sane adults appear lose all sense of judgement when they enter the new candystore. Subcommunity NRE, perhaps?
- "Treat others as you would like to be treated" is perhaps the best philosophy ever. Yay to Judaism for first enunciating it. In other words, respect is the most important concept in dealing with other people.
ETA: Since there is a bit of confusion about what I'm saying here, I don't mean treating people the same as I'd like to be treated. Ick! :-) - Just about everything is relative. There are some near absolutes (violence is not a solution; (non-consenting) abuse is bad), but the degree you're affected by anything is generally very much relative to your circumstances.
- "I'll never..." is a statement you should be wary of making.
- "I'll always..." is a statement you should be equally wary about making.
- Love doesn't fix anything. It makes you more tolerant, patient, forgiving, encouraging. It makes you more willing to try and willing to redeem yourself. But sometimes that isn't enough - fixing things is something you need to do for yourself, if possible - love doesn't magically make it happen.
- While you may feel that you've found your true home when you discover you're a member of a certain subculture, you probably haven't. At best, you might have knocked an edge or two off your square peg.
- Just because someone else is a member of the queer community, it does not mean they are also automatically trustworthy, sane, non-violent, honest, likeable, and immune to racism, sexism, classism, or homophobia (link via
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grey_evil_twin). This applies to members of any subcommunity, whether feminist, poly, kink, pagan, geek, peacenik, socialist, or whatever.
Regarding that last, I'm glad I came out when I was 18, and was able to get over the vestiges of my stupid misconceptions about the nobility of the queer subculture before I was old enough for it to matter particularly. I don't recall whether it was when I first heard the word "tuna" in a certain context, or was told I was "male-identified". That naivety had already been eroded by my working class upbringing (yes, there is some solidarity... some) and my encounters with feminists and the peace movement. However, I do still get surprised at adults entering some subculture at an advanced age who get surprised about the fact that members of it can be fuck-ups.
I notice that syndrome particularly in the poly comms, mainly, I suppose, because most of us are over 18 when we "come out" about that identity to ourselves (you can fool yourself for quite a while by saying you want to "play the field"). But I still find it hard to believe when otherwise presumably-sane adults appear lose all sense of judgement when they enter the new candystore. Subcommunity NRE, perhaps?
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2. See 1. :)
3 and 4. Great advice. Even if you believe that some people can see the future (to an extent) I'd suggest it's impossible to see the 'deep future', and you never know what is going to happen and how that might change you. Your version was shorter than mine :)
5. I always think of Love as something on top of other things. It's probably not a solution. it's probably not a problem. It's other things that exist around that love that cause problems and solutions. Of course, sometimes it is the solution and problem, just neatly contradicting what I've just said. See 2.
6. I've lost track of how many subcultures I 'fit'. I think the only suculture I truly fit is the subculture 'lisawolf'. And even that changes daily (hourly...)
7. How how true. Some people seem to trust anyone in 'insert subculture here'. People come in all shades including the sort who enjoy hurting others in bad ways.
I've actually found that there is a group of people in nearly every subculture I've had dealings with who are elitists. Their subculture (and by definition themselves) are better than any other existing.
These people are to be avoided, I've found.
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And yes, I think of love as an "extra bonus" thing. It can be a motivating force... and it can certainly have its own special problems and solutions. Nothing's simple!
Too right about elitism from individuals in various subcultures - there's that whole "we are The Saved" thing going on at times. It irks me, although I do the same thing myself at times - you know, thank god I'm not normal. (Who is?) It all tends to lead into the One Twoo Way syndrome as well, I find.
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ETA: Since there is a bit of confusion about what I'm saying here, I don't mean treating people the same as I'd like to be treated. Ick! :-)
I tend to see Kant's Categorical Imperative "Treat others as an end in themselves, and never merely as a mean to your end" as somewhat better at expressing the "treat others with respect" because it, despite being wordy and slightly jargonistic, conveys better that the aim is to treat people with a view to respecting their goals, wants and needs, rather than assuming that they share yours.
But in both cases, the lesson is that one should not treat others as mere objects, but rather as persons, and that is a good thing to keep in mind.
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Sometimes. In some cases, though, it seems to be a sort of 'narcissism by association': identify yourself as a member of $SUBCULTURE, tell yourself that $SUBCULTURE is an amazingly together bunch of people, and the dots are easily joined from there.
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Guess it lasted about three months. :-/
On 1 : others may very well not want to be treated the way I do, unless one uses words like 'well'. There have been long threads on this in a.p. You seem to know this tho'!
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Bummer about that community NRE though!
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You're smart :-)
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Will we see you at Denvention next year?
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