Pedantary du jour

I've just been reading a bit of Potterfic, which I do at long intervals, and noticed the problem there a few times, but it's not just in the Potterverse. Quite often, when a USian writes UK English, they get a few bits and bobs wrong (even when they get "arse" right, hee!) - although, not being English myself, I don't pretend to have a perfect grasp of English as she is spoke in the UK. But living there for 5 years counts for something.

The one thing that is guaranteed to drop me out of the world that the writer has otherwise successfully created for me is to use the exclamation "Oh, my!" when the character is supposedly English.

It's not an idiom that the English use. And it's horribly common in fanfic, including the good stuff. Some of the other gotchas I can ignore, but for some reason, that one irks me. I think of 60s sitcom ladies with a palm firmly pressed against one cheek, reacting to something horrendous the cute-but-bratty kids have just done. It kind of ruins the mood.

Helpful phrases to make things look more English?

Sad, as in pathetic. "Look at that sad git Goyle drooling over Cho. He hasn't got a hope." (Git is your extra bonus word).

Brilliant, meaning fantastic. "Last night, Cho, when we had sex? It was totally brilliant." Some people in England use "brill" for short, but I've only heard people 30 and up use it.

Blinding also means excellent. "Look at Fred go! He hit that quaffle a real blinder right at Crabbe!"

Trainspotter/anorak means nerd/geek. "That Neville is such an anorak about these bloody mushrooms; I'm going to snot him one if he tells me once more how much Fungus Fertilisatorer to spray on them." Anorak is slightly less derogatory, possibly. (Extra point for spotting the bonus idiom).

Twat, pronounced to rhyme with "hat", can be used as a verb or a noun. "Harry was supposed to meet up with Cho last night and stood her up. What a twat." "Yeah, I heard that if she sees him, she's promised to give him a good twatting". (Twat, in the latter sentence, is in the sense of "thump/beat". You can "twat him one" as well).

Bugger! - crap! damn! oops! "Uh oh, I don't think I should have added the newt extract to my potion right now. It's gone all green and bubbly, and it's supposed to be yellow. It's completely buggered."

Bog off, naff off, bugger off - fuck off (not quite so offensive). "Harry tried to apologise to Cho, but she told him to bog off."

Chav is pretty recent jargon. It means those of less privileged classes who like to wear lots of bling-bling, white trainers (NOT "sneakers") and Burberry-checked anything, especially baseball caps. They drink lots, get obnoxious and apparently generally live in council houses.
"Look at that Patsy. With that shiny super-tight gear on, she looks like a total kappa-slapper." "Yeah, all the bling-bling Goyle is wearing lately, I'm surprised he can still stand up. What a pair of chavs."

Do you know what I mean? commonly pronounced as all one word, with as few consonants shaped as possible - Londoners are masters of the glottal stop. Often used while gossiping or talking in depth about one's feelings. "I really fancy that Cho, dja know what I mean?" "Yeah, she's a bit of all right!"

Bollocks! - rubbish, crap, bullshit. The dog's bollocks (or just the bollocks) is something super-cool. Bollocking means to give a telling off. "It was great when McGonnagle saw what Patsy was wearing in the village. She gave her a huge bollocking and put her on detention for bringing the school into disrepute. Watching Patsy get it was just the dog's bollocks."

Nads - testicles. "Harry should have left well enough alone. He kept following around Cho trying to apologise, until she threatened to kick him in the nads." Not often used in the sexual sense, though.

All right? is even canon. Goodness. Used as a greeting, like "hi". "Alright, Harry?" "Yeah, alright."

Tosser - idiot, wanker. "Goyle tried to stick his hand up Cho's skirt until she threatened him with Fred's bludger. What a tosser." Tossing off means to wank.

Pissed, bladdered - drunk. In British English, you don't say "pissed" to mean "angry". You say pissed off. "Did you see what happened when Harry drank that potion that Malfoy put that Disgustingly Drunk Essence into? He got totally bladdered and told Snape where to get off!"

Take the piss out of someone. Make fun of them. "You know, there's no fun in taking the piss out of Crabbe and Goyle. It's just too easy, and they don't get what you're saying anyway." Taking the piss means exceeding limits or exploiting. "You want me to do your homework for you AGAIN? Talk about taking the piss! You owe me from last time!"

Knackered - busted, tired, unable to continue. "I stayed up too late studying with Hermione last night; I'm completely knackered." "My wand is knackered, can I borrow yours just ONCE for this assignment?" "Once Harry fell off his broom, the Griffendor team was completely knackered."


And that's enough for now. I'm finished with my lecture mode... :-)