Motivation

[It's all about meeeeee this week, sorry. I'll manage to do a erudite, witty and intellectually-detached post sometime, I'm sure.]

I was having a chat with saluqi today about my least-favourite personality aspect. I don't mind my irritableness, lack of patience, pig-headedness, vagueness, egocentricity (ha-hah!), and so on (I'm sure more negativities would come to mind if I pondered a bit more) nearly as much as I do my lack of motivation. I seem to surround myself with fairly go-getting types (and saluqi did point out that that personality quality is hardly typical), and in comparison to them, I'm an indolent lump of lard.

I know I have a short attention span for non-fun-related things. I also have the willpower of a starving person in a chocolate shop. However, I'm fine if something needs to be done. Like going to work, paying the bills, and occasionally, doing the housework. I like doing things for someone. I like doing things if I feel that my efforts will be appreciated (like most of us I imagine). But even if it's something I'd like to do - such as, say, brush up my French, or get properly fitter - getting the impetus to get started and then sustain doing whatever it is seems to be annoyingly difficult.

It gets to the point where I feel like bitchslapping myself and uttering trite homilies to myself like "just do it, already!" But do I? Not often. It's a layer of my personality that's always been with me, and it periodically drives me insane. Ok, it's not as if I haven't achieved anything in my life, or that I'm an utterly useless waste of space. Considering some of the crap I started off with, and some of the rumptions of my adult life, I'm doing ok. But I look at someone like my OGF, who had shit for her early life, due to which she ended up leaving home and school at age 14... going to running a multi-million dollar company while having a fantastic family. And I feel bloody inadequate. (Not that I want to do either of those things, but achieving more would be nice)

Of course, she (and plenty of my other similarly go-getting friends) don't grok what the hold-ups are. I know I don't like taking risks - although I have, plenty of times - but taking French lessons is hardly risky. I loathe loathe loathe looking incompetent, but one can't have a learning curve unless one starts to learn. I'm lazy, but I am fine with necessities, or when someone else says "would you mind?" But needing to be prodded into action seems juvenile. Bah.

Well, I want to track down a homeopath and see if taking a remedy might shift it. Embarrassment and annoyance at myself doesn't work. Being lectured/shamed definitely doesn't work. Pop-psychology books (at least, extrapolating from the couple I've read) will not break though my judging brain. Identifying a problem is all very dandy, but I've not evolved a mechanism to fix it. Anyone else have a consistent problem with motivation/impetus? What do you do about it? How does one develop willpower?

Cleanliness is next to ...something

Ganked from saluqi and serenejournal

1. How dirty is your dwelling right now? How messy is it?

It's at the grubbier end of the spectrum, it being the beginning of the weekend. Unwashed dishes and a floor that needs severe vacuuming. The level of messiness is slightly elevated beyond usual - I haven't organised my clean clothes pile at all, and there are more stacks of books lying around than usual. I need another bookshelf (yet another reason to move).

2. Which part of your dwelling does it drive you crazy to have dirty or messy? Why?

The bathroom. I loathe: a grubby loo, toothpaste spittitude left in the sink, hair down plugholes or left in clumps anywhere, personal hygiene detritus left lying around (I know it's not PC and wombynly, but I don't want to see someone's sanitary towels/tampons or their wrappings left lying around, or gikky used cotton buds, or used materials for applying makeup/cleansers and the like). The only thing I don't mind clearing up, if it's someone else's, is hair (I get one of those revolting feelings of satisfaction by seeing just what slimy creatures one can excavate from a plughole).

The kitchen is a close second, but I don't mind a few unwashed dishes being left for a wee while (so long as they don't have meaty or other unrinsed crap caked on to attract the flies). I really don't like a dirty fridge, and I have been known to visit people and clean theirs (if I've known them sufficiently well, and they wouldn't think of it as a personal reflection, as it isn't. If I thought someone were truly disgusting, I wouldn't do it).

3. Which part of your dwelling does it not drive you crazy to have dirty or messy? Why?

Other than the bathroom/kitchen, I'm fairly laissez-faire about the rest of the house. I do like public areas to be somewhat presentable, and I'm actually not fine with dirt most of the time. Dusting, I don't give a shit about, however.

4. Have you ever gotten into conflicts with dwelling-mates over cleanliness? Which side were you on (i.e., "clean freak" or "slob"?) How was it resolved (if at all)?

Yes, and I've been on both sides of the fence. Most of my lovers have been much, much tidier than me, although not necessarily cleaner. Mostly it has been compromise. One lover had a thing about a tidy bedroom, and the fact I never hung up my clothes or put books/papers away drove her insane. So, she ended up hanging up/folding clothes (we alternated on the actual laundry), she made a box where she'd throw the books/paper I left lying around into (and I ended up mostly keeping things there, since having a defined "in progress" repository was no problem), and I kept the bathroom up to my standards, after a bit of prodding to ensure she didn't neglect to rinse the goddamn sink after brushing her teeth. Or squeeze the toothpaste from the end - at least we don't have to worry about that particular one now! Or toothpaste caps.

The broad outlines have been essentially the same with most of the lovers I've lived with.

Flatmates have been another realm of their own, but I've generally been living with a stroppy partner who'd bitchslap them about their slack habits first (or else they were out, ooer!).

5. What inspires you to clean? What makes it harder? Why?

Grubbiness inspires me to clean. If I can feel grit on my feet walking around, it's time to vacuum. Still, I generally don't bother until I've got a good chunk of free time, so early in the weekend is normally my cleaning time. I don't know why I need a good chunk, since it takes me an hour at most (bathroom scrub, vacuum, dishes, kitchen tidy). Oh, and putting on some loud raucous music always helps! Nothing makes it harder, other than lassitude. Or if I feel my partner is taking the piss with refusing to do her share (which has only happened once).

Another reason to like Torchwood

They eat with their mouths closed. And they don't talk while chewing.

It's a real pet peeve of mine in TV shows and film. While American shows are particularly bad, it seems like most of the world isn't too shy to emulate them.

Here's to more non-revolting eating habits in the media.