Sticking a fork in it

Well, the CDL and I got together today to wrap our relationship, at least as lovers. After a bit of downtime, we expect to be able to pick up our friendship again, which is how things got underway in the first place.

I tend to find that if you start off on a basis of friendship and affection, it's generally not that difficult to find it again when the more intimate involvement is over. While it might be tempting to joke about my "fuzzy boundaries" between friendships and relationships, to me it boils down to the intensity of your feelings for someone, and the means you choose to express those feelings (ie. sex, generally). Naturally a relationship entails a greater depth of general involvement in each other's lives, and some sense of shared goals, but our circumstances weren't exactly conventional in those areas anyway. So while moving back and forth across those boundaries involves certain levels of decision-making and behaviour-calibration, the underlying fundamentals hopefully endure (to a greater or lesser degree depending on circumstances).

(please excuse the discursion into cod-philosophical rationalisation)

It's going to be difficult leaving behind the best relationship I've been in so far. I've learned a few new things about myself these past few years, and refined a few other things. I've been very privileged to have this time with someone who is so fab in so many ways. There is no animosity at all, or recriminations, or drama either. But there is no point pushing to try and make something work when the capacity to do so isn't there. I'm sure I'll be spending a few more evenings snivelling into a whisky and having more interrupted sleep, but it's all get-throughable.

Thanks to those who have already offered me supportive words; it's very much appreciated.