Sticking a fork in it

[trixtah]

Well, the CDL and I got together today to wrap our relationship, at least as lovers. After a bit of downtime, we expect to be able to pick up our friendship again, which is how things got underway in the first place.

I tend to find that if you start off on a basis of friendship and affection, it's generally not that difficult to find it again when the more intimate involvement is over. While it might be tempting to joke about my "fuzzy boundaries" between friendships and relationships, to me it boils down to the intensity of your feelings for someone, and the means you choose to express those feelings (ie. sex, generally). Naturally a relationship entails a greater depth of general involvement in each other's lives, and some sense of shared goals, but our circumstances weren't exactly conventional in those areas anyway. So while moving back and forth across those boundaries involves certain levels of decision-making and behaviour-calibration, the underlying fundamentals hopefully endure (to a greater or lesser degree depending on circumstances).

(please excuse the discursion into cod-philosophical rationalisation)

It's going to be difficult leaving behind the best relationship I've been in so far. I've learned a few new things about myself these past few years, and refined a few other things. I've been very privileged to have this time with someone who is so fab in so many ways. There is no animosity at all, or recriminations, or drama either. But there is no point pushing to try and make something work when the capacity to do so isn't there. I'm sure I'll be spending a few more evenings snivelling into a whisky and having more interrupted sleep, but it's all get-throughable.

Thanks to those who have already offered me supportive words; it's very much appreciated.

Comments

[not-in-denial.livejournal.com]

*HUGS TIMES ONE MILLION AND SIX*

I has brainfog, this is sadly the best I can do, commentwise, at the moment.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That's an excellent comment, brainfog and all.

[radicalyffe.livejournal.com]

Hey, hope you are feeling ok.

If you feel like just getting out and meeting a new person some time I'd be up for a beer.

*MANY HUGS*

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Maybe I should meet up with you and Robbie and ironed_orchid and we can drown my sorrows in the not-too-distant. One way to get over my shyness!

[radicalyffe.livejournal.com]

I think that sounds like a FANTABULOUS IDEA. I'm pretty free over then next couple of weeks, so you just holler and we'll make a time and place. :)

[ironed_orchid]

That all sounds very reasonable, it's good when you can see through the emotions to the really important stuff.

I'm glad you got some time with her, and that you will still be in each others lives.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

I do try, with the reason. It works at least some of the time. Heh.

And yes, I do hope it works out with the friendship stuff; I can't think of any reason why not, so fingers crossed (hell, I'm still friends with exes I majorly screwed up with - I must occasionally do something right).

[aquaeri.livejournal.com]

I'm happy to hear you'll (most probably) still be friends once the emotional aftereffects have passed. In the meantime, hang in there. I doubt I can do anything useful at this distance, but if not, let me know.

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Thank you for that. Yeah, we certainly haven't done anything to fuck each other up, and that's normally what destroys the potential for friendships reforming. At least in my experience.

[soulful-aimee.livejournal.com]

How tough. You have such a great attitude about it. So you have been together several years?

[trixtah.livejournal.com]

Well, there's no point kicking and flailing due to the circumstances - it's not been a situation where any blame can be assigned - and we both care about each other a lot, and want to make it as easy for each other as we can.

We haven't been together for a major time - just under four years. I did think we were in for a pretty long haul, though. :-( Well, we'll see how things develop.