Gender and archetypes
Jan. 17th, 2007 10:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trixtahI've been having a fairly interesting run of dreams about men lately, both erotic and not-so. They seem to be due to something fermenting in my brain, rather than straight (har-har) wish fulfilment, because my dreams about men in the pure nookie sense don't normally happen unless I'm actually currently shagging one. I'm very boring about my dream and fantasy objects - they're people I know, am attracted to, and 90% of the time (if not more) I know they're attracted to me.
The first one featured a guy who was much older than me, and while not "fatherly", was definitely acting as a mentor-like figure, while being very charming and obviously keen to have sex with me. I, in my dream, was in my early teens (although post-pubertal), and girlie in such a way that I never have been. I think I might have been wearning a short skirt, even, and I have never worn one of those voluntarily past age 8. As well as being much older than me (as in late 40s/50s), he was also much bigger than me and quite physically commanding. Both of these things are frankly offputting to me in men in RL. However, in my dream, I was desperate to shag him, and in fact we spent most of the time finding a suitable place to do so (that's fairly typical; I think I've only "consummated" sex once during a dream, alas).
On waking up, I immediately thought that the male figure in my dream was an aspect of me. I certainly recognised the cocky charmingness that I can turn on at times. However, he also presented quite an air of authority, which I don't associate with myself, except perhaps when I'm at work. I'm not sure what his size and strength represented. When I was a kid and got into fights occasionally, I definitely felt like a boy when I was going to it, but a small, wiry sort of boy. Ironic, since I was above-average in height all through childhood - I'm average now, since my growth abruptly stopped at age 12. About when I got breasts, come to think of it. Feh.
Getting back to the dream, the imagery is positive, I think. It seems to be integrative. I've had a couple more dreams featuring men significantly since, one of which featuring my skanky second step-father. I spent most of that dream sending out "don't come near me" vibes - pretty similar to what went on for the 12 months I had to live in the same house with him in my teens. They worked, too. Since I haven't thought of him for years, I'm not too sure what he was doing in there. I certainly don't have any skanky men in my life, and I'm not in the position of having to fend anyone off at present.
Jung talked about the anima and the animus in his theories - the anima being the "female principle" within each man (and with various associated archetypes), and the animus being the "male principle" within each woman. From M-L von Franz: "The male personification of the unconscious in woman -- the animus -- exhibits both good and bad aspects, as does the anima in man. But the animus does not so often appear in the form of an erotic fantasy or mood [like the anima]; it is more apt to take the form of a hidden "sacred" conviction.
"When such a conviction is preached with a loud, insistent, masculine voice or imposed on others by means of brutal emotional scenes, the underlying masculinity in a woman is easily recognized.
"...[I]f [a woman] realizes who and what her animus is and what he does to her, and if she faces these realities instead of allowing herself to be possessed, her animus can turn into an invaluable inner companion."
In Jungian theory, part of the process of becoming individuated is integrating the anima/animus (and acknowledging the Shadow), thus allowing it to become a conduit between the conscious and unconscious.
Now, I know that gender theory has come a loooong way since Jung first formulated his thoughts, but much of this stuff spoke to me in my late teens/early 20s, and it still does. While I'm butch, I've never had any problems with gender confusion. I found it very easy to get in touch with the "boy pockets" - that's how I thought of them - within me. I still do - if I walk along the street thinking "Man, I am hotttt! Watch out, chickies!" (as I do very occasionally), that is a boy thing, most definitely. In fact, most of that stuff can be summed up by the adjective "cocky". If I'm feeling cocky (which encompasses "aggressivelyassertively opinionated"), then I'm in boy-mode.
While this is most excellent for retaining my youthful demeanour - heh - it's not such a frequent state of being now, as a 38-year-old woman, than it was when I was in my early 20s. But it's a part of me that I get a lot of power from - if one doesn't think that's too foo-foo a concept - partly because it's the part that takes risks. But these days, I'm also a lot more aware of consequences. I also actually don't want to be acting like a 17-year-old boy most of the time. So, there is a gap.
And perhaps that gap is going to be filled by the symbol - if you like - of a grown man. I know that the part of me that is good at giving instruction or explaining concepts seems very male. Sometimes having sex in a certain mode feels that way too (it's not the boy doing the fucking). As does the charmingness, always. And, also, interestingly enough, responsibility (as differentiated from the "keeping it all togther" thing that I think of as a very female trait). So, I think I might let those positive features of adult maleness percolate a bit more and we'll see what happens. Just so long as I don't flip over to the authoritarian insensitive oblivious-to-boundaries lover-of-heirarchy-who-refuses-compromise shadow side (I don't think that's terribly likely in general).
I'm not terribly sure why all this is popping up right now. My life is pretty stable and damn content. Well, maybe there's room for these kind of ponderings, as there hasn't been the past few years. Also, if I'm like my mother, I only have a couple of years till I start menopause, so maybe it's a deck-clearing exercise. Heh.
Big disclaimer: This may all seem like I'm being terribly essentialist in what I consider to be "male" and "female", and really, I am so not. But, as Jung used it, it's a convenient symbolic shorthand, and the archetypal figures associated with that symbol set do fit in this instance. Other sets of terms - say, if we tried to substitute butch/fem, or dominant/submissive, or active/passive - don't fit the concepts and feelings I'm trying to get at nearly so much.
Also, as another aside, it's interesting how if we have had to struggle with our gender presentation (which I have done, but not my identity, as I mentioned), as we integrate it, we don't need to be so vehemently assertive about displaying the "right" symbol set. So, as a butch dyke, the older I get, the less I need to wear the leather jacket, or the boots, or the whatever (I have never worn a baseball cap backwards). I can wear what I please, and yet I'm sure that my identity presentation is going to be congruent. Although it is fun to fuck with people's heads. And I still need to drive my bitchin beast. Of course. :-)
The first one featured a guy who was much older than me, and while not "fatherly", was definitely acting as a mentor-like figure, while being very charming and obviously keen to have sex with me. I, in my dream, was in my early teens (although post-pubertal), and girlie in such a way that I never have been. I think I might have been wearning a short skirt, even, and I have never worn one of those voluntarily past age 8. As well as being much older than me (as in late 40s/50s), he was also much bigger than me and quite physically commanding. Both of these things are frankly offputting to me in men in RL. However, in my dream, I was desperate to shag him, and in fact we spent most of the time finding a suitable place to do so (that's fairly typical; I think I've only "consummated" sex once during a dream, alas).
On waking up, I immediately thought that the male figure in my dream was an aspect of me. I certainly recognised the cocky charmingness that I can turn on at times. However, he also presented quite an air of authority, which I don't associate with myself, except perhaps when I'm at work. I'm not sure what his size and strength represented. When I was a kid and got into fights occasionally, I definitely felt like a boy when I was going to it, but a small, wiry sort of boy. Ironic, since I was above-average in height all through childhood - I'm average now, since my growth abruptly stopped at age 12. About when I got breasts, come to think of it. Feh.
Getting back to the dream, the imagery is positive, I think. It seems to be integrative. I've had a couple more dreams featuring men significantly since, one of which featuring my skanky second step-father. I spent most of that dream sending out "don't come near me" vibes - pretty similar to what went on for the 12 months I had to live in the same house with him in my teens. They worked, too. Since I haven't thought of him for years, I'm not too sure what he was doing in there. I certainly don't have any skanky men in my life, and I'm not in the position of having to fend anyone off at present.
Jung talked about the anima and the animus in his theories - the anima being the "female principle" within each man (and with various associated archetypes), and the animus being the "male principle" within each woman. From M-L von Franz: "The male personification of the unconscious in woman -- the animus -- exhibits both good and bad aspects, as does the anima in man. But the animus does not so often appear in the form of an erotic fantasy or mood [like the anima]; it is more apt to take the form of a hidden "sacred" conviction.
"When such a conviction is preached with a loud, insistent, masculine voice or imposed on others by means of brutal emotional scenes, the underlying masculinity in a woman is easily recognized.
"...[I]f [a woman] realizes who and what her animus is and what he does to her, and if she faces these realities instead of allowing herself to be possessed, her animus can turn into an invaluable inner companion."
In Jungian theory, part of the process of becoming individuated is integrating the anima/animus (and acknowledging the Shadow), thus allowing it to become a conduit between the conscious and unconscious.
Now, I know that gender theory has come a loooong way since Jung first formulated his thoughts, but much of this stuff spoke to me in my late teens/early 20s, and it still does. While I'm butch, I've never had any problems with gender confusion. I found it very easy to get in touch with the "boy pockets" - that's how I thought of them - within me. I still do - if I walk along the street thinking "Man, I am hotttt! Watch out, chickies!" (as I do very occasionally), that is a boy thing, most definitely. In fact, most of that stuff can be summed up by the adjective "cocky". If I'm feeling cocky (which encompasses "
While this is most excellent for retaining my youthful demeanour - heh - it's not such a frequent state of being now, as a 38-year-old woman, than it was when I was in my early 20s. But it's a part of me that I get a lot of power from - if one doesn't think that's too foo-foo a concept - partly because it's the part that takes risks. But these days, I'm also a lot more aware of consequences. I also actually don't want to be acting like a 17-year-old boy most of the time. So, there is a gap.
And perhaps that gap is going to be filled by the symbol - if you like - of a grown man. I know that the part of me that is good at giving instruction or explaining concepts seems very male. Sometimes having sex in a certain mode feels that way too (it's not the boy doing the fucking). As does the charmingness, always. And, also, interestingly enough, responsibility (as differentiated from the "keeping it all togther" thing that I think of as a very female trait). So, I think I might let those positive features of adult maleness percolate a bit more and we'll see what happens. Just so long as I don't flip over to the authoritarian insensitive oblivious-to-boundaries lover-of-heirarchy-who-refuses-compromise shadow side (I don't think that's terribly likely in general).
I'm not terribly sure why all this is popping up right now. My life is pretty stable and damn content. Well, maybe there's room for these kind of ponderings, as there hasn't been the past few years. Also, if I'm like my mother, I only have a couple of years till I start menopause, so maybe it's a deck-clearing exercise. Heh.
Big disclaimer: This may all seem like I'm being terribly essentialist in what I consider to be "male" and "female", and really, I am so not. But, as Jung used it, it's a convenient symbolic shorthand, and the archetypal figures associated with that symbol set do fit in this instance. Other sets of terms - say, if we tried to substitute butch/fem, or dominant/submissive, or active/passive - don't fit the concepts and feelings I'm trying to get at nearly so much.
Also, as another aside, it's interesting how if we have had to struggle with our gender presentation (which I have done, but not my identity, as I mentioned), as we integrate it, we don't need to be so vehemently assertive about displaying the "right" symbol set. So, as a butch dyke, the older I get, the less I need to wear the leather jacket, or the boots, or the whatever (I have never worn a baseball cap backwards). I can wear what I please, and yet I'm sure that my identity presentation is going to be congruent. Although it is fun to fuck with people's heads. And I still need to drive my bitchin beast. Of course. :-)
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-18 01:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-18 01:47 pm (UTC)For me, my most common dreams are about people/situations that have been on my mind, stuff surfacing that I've been trying to *keep* from my mind, deliberately nor not (mostly the latter, and mostly negative, but some positive stuff as well), falling (ick), dreams about past memories/moments that I'm evidently reprocessing or have been brought up by something current, that kind of deep symbolic dream I described, and flying, way down at the rare end of the scale.
One thing I know for certain is that I have no desire to go out and shag bigger older men, no matter how charming they are. :-)
Also, the dreams about stuff surfacing that you've been trying to avoid taking notice of can be quite amusing or punny. Like the one I had recently of my boss trying to swordfight badly. Ok, he's into SCA-type stuff, but my dream was definitely more about him "missing the point" in a discussion we'd had that day.
So, yeah, while your dream was a fear of losing your girlfriend, perhaps she was giving out cues of withdrawl. As I say, there's normally some trigger, unless you're paranoid and dream like that ALL the time.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-18 01:52 pm (UTC)One of the things about Jung is that he broke away from Freud by saying that not everything in a dream is necessary sexually-related, not even dreams actually about sex, at times.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-18 02:18 pm (UTC)I like your acute understanding of dreaming. I understand things such as how your subconcious picks up what you don't process or reminds you of what you try to conciously ignore, but sometimes it's too bizzare. The other night I dreamt of getting pissed off at my girlfriend and getting out of the car and walking, then meeting a homeless man who looked like a rapist. I started talking to him, then this guy was pulling a wire and accidentally short circuited it and started a fire, and homeless guy became frantic, gave me his name + number, and ran off to deal with fire.
Is my subconcious insane? What the hell could that possibly teach me :S
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-19 10:02 am (UTC)Also, I think that's the point, the subconscious is insane! :-)
That's why we need the filter of the consciousness to function in society, but the subconscious is also the source of creativity, if we can tap into it in an integrated way. Imagine what people like Stephen King would be like if they didn't have the filters (or the outlet)!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-01-20 03:27 am (UTC)