UGH

[trixtah]

I have been "invited" by no less than three people to the "Femme Appreciation Day" event on Facebook. While I think the femmes in one's life should be appreciated for their awesome selves - and their lovely presentation is definitely a part of that - I really can't get behind something that promotes itself with this horribly saccharine glurge:

"…Vying for her princess kerchief
"May I ride for you, m'Lady? May I ride for You, today?" [Many femmes would laugh in your face if you called her "princess". And sure, I'm totally on my white horse at all times.]

To impress her, even if it's only in our heads... 'cause we're wired that way and can't help ourselves; and we know it, can't admit it half the time, have conquered kingdoms, started wars [Yeah, that punch-up at the dyke bar was srs bsns], learned to cook (maybe not so well) [speak for yourself], given up all days off & driven miles and kilometers just to fall for moments near her eyes...

…Because femmes have this amazing power to inspire, to comfort, to tease, to hook, to care for; to freeze us in our tracks with a single smile or a fleeting sidelong glance.... We protect our own protectors when we defend our femmes. [Oh wait, it's the Western frontier?]

'Cause a femme can stop time with a tiny wave….all effortless yet all powerful…[Totally, no matter what her life circumstances, and because being awesome requires no effort whatsoever, nuh uh]...

...The Fire in her soul, the hearth around which the universe turns" [Great, we'll throw in some goddess-worship as well]

Yeah, I can't even get behind the actual sentiments no matter how much I think many femmes rock. I'm not anyone's knight in shining armour, I do not have submissive tendencies, and I'm not into goddess worship, unfortunately. What a waste.

Comments

[buddleia]

What the actual fuck? This seems awfully familiar and it's familiar BILGE.

[trixtah]

Seems very much like the "lovely laydees should be on pedestals" patronising shit from "gallant" sexist men back in the day.

[ironed_orchid]

::vomit::

[trixtah]

Pretty much my sentiments entirely. :-[

[gapingwhole.wordpress.com]

I heartily second that.

[aquaeri]

I've always had trouble figuring out what counts as femme. If this is it, I don't want any part of it from any direction.

[trixtah]

Well, it's definitely a queer "feminine" attitude/presentation - all I can say is that I know it when I see it, even if she's wearing jeans and Blunnies.

But yes, there are amazingly retrograde role/gender assumptions still at play amongst some in the queer community. It's embarrassing when it manifests as ridiculously as this.

[aquaeri]

I guess the difficulty I have is that "feminine" is so culturally dependent and changeable, the people who think it includes being put on a pedestal aren't any more right or wrong than the people who don't, because both versions of "feminine" are current. I don't know if the "queer" angle changes that.

[trixtah]

Not really - having that kind of patronising attitude is not-uncommon in the queer community as well. Although not nearly as common as in the het community - femmes are generally expected to be kick-arse, which is not traditionally the case for high-maintenance "feminine" women.

Also, for me, it's not so much "right" or "wrong" about putting feminine-seeming people on pedestals - it's just frigging annoying as hell because it seems so sexistly retrograde. Picking someone out for special treatment because of their gender or looks is irksome.

On the other hand, there are some things about "feminine" gender presentation I really really like, but I like to rationalise it to myself by believing that I only treat attractive people differently to show an interest, rather than treating all femme/feminine laydees in a "special" way just because they're wearing a skirt and have longer hair.

Femininity is definitely in the eye of the beholder, and there are definitely particular kinds - a queer kind - that I prefer. And I definitely appreciate certain kinds of style in an aesthetic sense over others - a buffed and hairless man-chest simply is not aesthetic to me, even though I see how it can be to others.

But to treat people in an appreciably-different way solely because of their physical attributes (other than to admit you're more likely to be attracted to Morphology A or B rather than C) is bloody ridiculous.

[trixtah]

But having said all that, there are some cultural things about femmes - as a group - that I appreciate. One is that these supposedly traditionally-feminine-looking women are right out there about having a non-standard sexual orientation, breaking down the stereotype of all lesbians being wanna-be men.

And also modelling different ways for women to be - you can be "feminine" AND kick-arse AND assertive. (Of course, there are other models of that too - Queen Elizabeth I, Wonder Woman, Eleanor Roosevelt, Marie Curie etc - but the more the merrier).