Evo pysch science - what is this "scientific method" of which you speak?

[trixtah]

So, the evo psychs have done some research on why penises are shaped the way they are and why human penises are so comparatively large (compared to most other mammals, well, except elephants and pigs). Dandy.

Their conclusion?

[P]enises were sculpted in such a way that the organ would effectively displace the semen of competitors from their partner’s vagina, a well-synchronized effect facilitated by the “upsuck” of thrusting during intercourse. Specifically, the coronal ridge offers a special removal service by expunging foreign sperm. According to this analysis, the effect of thrusting would be to draw other men’s sperm away from the cervix and back around the glans, thus “scooping out” the semen deposited by a sexual rival. 
 

And how did they make this momentous discovery?

The researchers selected several sets of prosthetic genitals from erotic novelty stores, including a realistic latex vagina sold as a masturbation pal for lonely straight men... and three artificial phalluses. (Of various shapes) ... [They] borrowed a recipe for simulated semen from another evolutionary psychologist [what a surprise] ... and created several batches of [so-called] seminal fluid.[i.e. flour and water cooked up together]

Then they played with the toys manually with the flour sludge to try and see if their displacement theory was valid. Supposedly more of the liquid was displaced from the artificial vagina if the rubber penis had a larger coronal ridge. Oh, they did back it up with a survey with college-aged males (I wonder whose students they were?) who all asserted that if they broke up with their g/fs and then got back together with them, the resulting sex was much more vigorous. Yes, because I'm sure all those skanky h0rz still had litres of some other guy's spoodge up them that needed displacing with those mighty coronal ridges.

I can't believe these people actually take themselves seriously.
 

Comments

[ironed_orchid]

It's a good enough Just So Story to be initially believable, so they don't expect anyone to question their methods or their results.

[trixtah]

Yes, leaving aside the validity of the theory (or otherwise), method credibility fail.

[aquaeri]

Well, you know, I'm walking around with semen sloshing around in my vagina ready to be scooped out by some guy's coronal ridge (wait, aren't they only really relevant if he's circumcised?) just all the time, no actually not.

[trixtah]

Hah, nice thinking with the differences with uncircumcised men. That study description didn't even mention it as an option - I wonder if it was in the study.

As for that sloshy semen, god, don't you wish there were a pile of coronal ridges ready to pump it out of you? Forget about anything meaningful attached to them. (Ooogh, I squicked myself)

TMI

[aquaeri]

Re: uncircumcised: I just take it for granted these days that evolpsychs don't think enough to realise things like that men have been uncircumcised for most of their evolutionary history, and immediately go do that thinking for them. The obsession with sperm competition is also ... kinda telling ...

Since we're off in squick/TMI territory. I've been having PIV sex for several decades now, but it's mostly involved condoms, oddly enough, and more recently, the pill. Now we've been having sex that could lead to conception, I'm learning things I didn't know. Like, yeah, there is semen sloshing around afterwards, but gravity (because you know, women get up and walk around afterwards, before getting it on with the next likely sperm donor, in most cases) means it tends to come right out again over the next few hours I'm upright. Unless I had an orgasm, in which case, no sloshing to speak of.

I do realise speculation about female orgasm as a means of up-sucking semen is very highly speculative speculation, but the data I'm collecting means I am not prepared to take the option off the table for some women at least ;-).

And you know, I feel like I have more real data of actual humans having actual potentially-conceiving sex than most evolpsych nonsense I've read.

Re: TMI

[trixtah]

Now, that *is* interesting. I have experienced the post-boysex sloshiness, but since I haven't had an orgasm from PIV sex, I haven't come across the non-sloshy thing.

I highly respect your data collection and observation skills. As well as your ability to create relevant experiments. Unlike those of the unbelievable people I posted about.

Re: TMI

[cleverthylacine]

Whether that's upsucking or not would depend on how you come. There's not a lot of sloshing the next day if I come after a guy does, but that's because everything that was in there before I came is now already out.

I mean I think the reason evopsychs ignore female ejaculation is that it pretty much puts paid to the notion that everything we do in bed is about fertilising those eggs, imnsho.

/tmi

[elizathetroll]

That sounds like something an xkcd character would come up with.

"Oh look, I just accidentally googled some research articles about sperm competition. I wonder if humans..." - "WAIT! WHAT the heck were you TRYING to find?"

[trixtah]

Actually, I can't remember how on earth I came across it - there was definitely a chain of linkitude.

No, come to think of it, it must have been all that googling of "coronal ridges". Their constantly being on my mind and all that. ;-)